Grace and Grief

This is not a feel-good professional post. It's also not a particularly inspirational post.

I last posted an article like this in mid 2020 from the Australian High Commission in Delhi, India, surrounded by 26 million people in one of the largest metropolises of the world. I had a fantastic job, and a wonderful life. There was constant activity at our house, and in our lives. And there were lots of people. Lots and lots of people.  

Now, in 2022, I’m writing from a 130-year-old farm house with no TV, few neighbours, and pretty stodgy internet, in a village of 400 people. I’ve had to chase an errant cow today, and cut up some firewood. It’s utterly silent. And it’s still.

And I’m now able to take stock of the last 18 months in Australia:

I changed jobs;

I changed countries;

I changed during COVID, and so did the world; and

I changed my heart. 

Any one of those things is difficult. Any one of those things can upend a sense of self, or a sense of security. All of those things require time, commitment and a steady hand. And all of those things have been really hard work.


It’s now been a handful of years since our 2 year old son, Solomon, died suddenly in Saudi Arabia. At that time, it was difficult just to get out of bed, let alone to parent three other kids and continue with a normal life. To deliver on a demanding job with lots of staff, lots of budget, and lots of geographical reach.  

My wife, three daughters and I buried Solomon in a grave in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. And it felt, at the time, like I had buried my heart, my dreams for this child, and my own faith that day too. 

We moved to India not long after.

And – during those long years before and after Solomon - I was at my peak. I got a kick out of helping clients meet new business in the Gulf and in India. I finished my PhD in law and wrote a book. I enjoyed my team. I kicked professional goals. And I had a vibrant, connected social life. But inwardly, I was in a mess so big, and so wide, and so…stultifying, that I couldn’t see through it.

But God could. 

The desperate pleading to a God that had appeared distant, cold and uninterested in my life were met with the cross. With grace. And with a transformative/redemptive/all-in-acceptance that didn’t totally ameliorate my grief, but helped me understand it, make sense of it, and lean into the free gift I’d been given, but has been previously ignorant. I had taken that gift of amazing grace utterly and completely for granted.

And as COVID slowly swallowed my family and I in India and we returned to a fearful and changed Australia, I knew I had to do something with that gift of grace.


At the start of 2021, I commenced as the Chief Operations Officer of a small Australian-based not-for-profit called City to City Australia. In my role, I work to fundamentally transform peoples’ lives by strengthening Christian leaders, developing projects that fix the structural challenges of institutions and communities, and develop pipelines of men and women leaders, Aboriginal leaders, ethnic minority leaders, and rural and regional leaders – alongside urban leaders in traditional settings.

In the last 14 months at City to City, and with deeply experienced and catalytic colleagues, our organisation has grown from 9 to 21 staff across 8 cities of Australia. We have grown our donorship ten-fold. We have trained more men and more women, that go on to plant more communities, that go on to then create more change in peoples’ hearts, than ever before. We have expanded into new cities, and new sub-cities, and coached and counselled hundreds more leaders.

As an organisation, we have the privilege of bringing hope to a broken and hurting world. To be Jesus’ hands and heart to leaders who go on to bring good news to thousands upon thousands of Australians.

Just this last week, I have been able to work with Aboriginal leaders in regional WA, women planting Chinese communities and Afghan communities in Melbourne and Adelaide, a Vietnamese leader in Sydney, and a leader forming a community amongst public housing residents in Hobart. 

I have never worked harder. I have never felt more fear, and more joy. I have never had such difficulty navigating new and profound professional relationships. And I’ve never had such wonderful grace and generosity, in return.

Best of all, I have never experienced such a congruence between my God-given skills and capabilities and my God-given faith. For the first time, my mind and my heart are working in tandem.

Solomon’s death a handful of years ago, and the accompanying grief and then grace, has slowly changed and transformed my heart, and given me the opportunity to do something wonderful for my faith, and – more importantly – the faith of hundreds of leaders in Australia.

And it feels grand.


Written by Dr Mark Morley